10 Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
That is a First post from David DeAngelo back in the early 2000s.
I'm going to refer to it as"The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the trend for UNUSUALLY smart men to have very lower degrees of success with women and dating.
After contemplating this specific paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an wonderful quantity of time, I'd like to discuss my ideas about it with you.
I assume that if you've read this far, you then see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.
You are aware that you're somewhat different than other men.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in college...
And you've probably realized that your smart mind provides you an edge over others in several areas of life...
Your smart mind gives you a specific sort of advantage which can be very, very successful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart folks become used to being"right", because they usually ARE right.
And if you're RIGHT more frequently than others, you can get ahead in many situations.
Incidentally, I did say WORSE than useless.
It may actually be like having a hammer if you will need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you'll most likely make the problem WORSE.
Naturally, it's hard for a wise guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of these situations.
So relax, open your smart mind, and allow me to share with you the ten reasons why smart men fail with girls... and what to do about it.
REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT
I said that smart guys are Utilized to being RIGHT in most situations.
And what do most smart guys do if they encounter a situation where they're WRONG?
They find a new situation... one that matches their strength. They know they will be right next time, so they simply walk away... knowing that it will not be long until they're straight again.
(OR they allow the"problem situation" destroy them... more on that later.)
There is no quick"I'm right" around another corner to allow you to feel much better.
It merely takes"failing" with a few women in a row for a wise man to observe the pattern... and realize that something is not working.
Option? Think harder.
A smart man just assumes that his logic has to be great... so he just keeps thinking tougher.
However, when no success stems, it truly begins
to become mentally hard.
Accepting that you are wrong is a very difficult thing to get a"smart guy".
Accepting that you are not only incorrect, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even harder.
Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the next logical conclusion:
I AM A Wise GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T https://www.washingtonpost.com/newssearch/?query=seduction Work out How TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that to get a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
in summary, many smart men refuse to accept this a good, strong, workable response could come from somebody"dumber" than them, so that they discount any idea that comes from an"obviously less smart person" before attempting it.
Allow me to ask you a question:
In case you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the greatest I.Q., or a caveman who lived just a thousand years back that had an I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all types of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's a fascinating question.
Today, hopefully you would like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who's escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly creatures...
But now let me ask you:
If you want to learn the way to be successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a man who isn't very smart, but who knows how to attract women?
There is something about being clever that makes some men unwilling to take input, ideas, or instruction from anyone that is not either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any wise GUY is able to see the folly in this particular approach... once it is examined carefully.
If you have been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT.
Look about.
Discover from a few"dumb" guys... and let them teach you just how you can get exactly what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND the number of smart guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.
It is as if they have logically concluded that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would take to find out.
In fact, I believe there are a lot of
smart guys running around this world who don't
have"social skills" and"be a cool guy that people love" in their"MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take to become successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just the... SKILLS.
They're not social INFORMATION.
They're not social THEORIES.
They are social SKILLS.
And you also don't get them THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Great social skills are the foundation for good communication with other people... and if you do not have great social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.
They actually figure out why what they would love to do is likely to fail...
They use their awesome creative imaginations to envision all sorts of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary results to create negative emotions... which finally stop them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
But in case you've thought something through and think of a fantastic reason it might fail, it is reasonable not to do it, right?
I mean, why do you want to do things that are going to fail?
It is sound logic, but HORRIBLE believing in regards to the REAL WORLD... and success with girls.
Because smart men do not UNDERSTAND women, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with girls, they're working with bad figures. They're wrong before they start figuring!
With your mind to develop with the reasons why things won't operate in this area of your own life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn how to overcome this habit if you have it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY"INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What does a wise guy do if he runs into an issue... or he needs to figure something out?
He appears for INFORMATION to help him resolve the issue.
MORE INFORMATION is obviously the response.
Info is the buddy of a smart guy.
Got a peculiar virus on your computer? Just jump on the internet and find out how to eliminate it.
Don't know how to change the alternator in your car? No prob. Simply buy the guide and turn to page 147.
Don't understand the definition of a phrase? Open your dictionary.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with girls?
They want MORE INFORMATION.
They think the answer lies in learning only ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magical concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the"get more information" strategy actually made things WORSE?
How do you know it was making matters worse?
Now, I really don't need to suggest that learning more about how to be successful with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But in case you have an issue that's EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it likely isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out from the real world and try some things!
You Want to look at the REAL issue... the Origin of the problem.
In regards to dating and women, there is an excellent possibility that you've got MORE than enough"information".
Smart guys often use"more info" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this referred to as"Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently in the event that you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid confronting something in your life.
Great, thank you.
REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION
NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.
So what do most smart guys do when they meet a woman?
EXACTLY!
They become a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I am shaking my head right now...
Smart guys attempt to engage girls in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that is where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare until you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
When you begin a logical conversation with a girl you have just met, you are essentially taking out a NEON SIGN that says"I don't get it when it comes to women" and placing it on your head.
Average"logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and tasks... talking politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or even INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start talking to some woman and you say"OK, so tell me something... Why is it that most women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys" (and then make fun of any response she gives) you are having an EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't understand what I am talking about, keep reading. You want more help than I believed.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to Consider things.
If you're taking an examination, you could sit there and work out the responses.
If you have a mathematics problem, you can work on it until you've figured it out.
If you're attempting to fix something, you can keep working on it until it's fixed.
Smart men are utilized to having the ability to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and flaunt their"good sides" in most scenarios.
Not so with girls...
in case you don't understand what to do in each step along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING"He does not get it" radar system.
Women have all types of subtle and innovative tests that they throw men to separate the"get its" from the"do not get its".
And if you do not get that, then you're going to fail one of these tests speedily.
However, the worst part is you won't ever KNOW you were being analyzed... OR you failed.
Smart guys aren't utilized to coping with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION battles in the second... and particularly the"women and dating" type.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning how to deal with each the evaluations that women throw at you effortlessly.
However, before you can find out to take care of the evaluations, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you've got basic social skills, and the best way to keep your cool in the present time.
REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING"NICE" THINGS IS THE"SMART WAY"
OK, allow me to ask you a trick question:
If I told you you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a"smart" method of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite kind of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of these so she would be"wowed".
Two ) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could discuss it with her.
3) Find out what her favorite kind of food is so you may take her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.
OK, time's up.
Now, I already mentioned that this is a TRICK question.
The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.
However WHY?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favorite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you wish to talk about her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart men think that they're being CLEVER if they do things like buying a girl her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.
Proper?
In their minds, they're thinking"I will be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she is going to see them like me because of it".
Makes sense... good mathematics, right?
Well the one teensy-weensy error these"smart" men make isn't realizing that it does not really take a smart person to think in this way!
In fact, ANY jackass can work out how to kiss a woman's ass.
And guess what?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent man, in his proud arrogance, will believe he's being such the charmer by using this"thoughtful" strategy...
...and the woman he's chasing will translate it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her. Another blow to intellect.
MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a wise guy who always desired to be"right"?
Have you ever met someone who'd actually argue with you about something that they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they simply could not close their"smart mouths"?
Throughout the past couple of years helping guys improve their success with women, I see this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't like to be"beginners" in ANYTHING.
They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others are seeing.
They wish to keep this"smart guy" picture of themselves... so they try to always be"The Pro" at whatever they do.
Instead of saying"Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how can I do it? What if I do first? What ?" ... and instead of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're novices... so they end up finally FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.
MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart men are usually IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
FROZEN.
And since many smart guys are not comfortable dealing with things they are not good at, they simply repress or RUN away from fear.
Many men prefer to DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don't understand how to take care of their feelings... or, GODFORBID, request help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it's like.
But the reality is that any guy can learn how to handle and even MASTER his emotions (even jak zacząć rozmowę na tinderze panic )... if he takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.
If that is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.
Do not worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What matters is that you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I think the reason I'm so fascinated with"The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with each these problems for a whole lot of years of my life.
Today, I'm not saying that I am the smartest guy in the world...
However, I do not think mamma raised no fool.
Plus it always bothered the hell out of me even though I was so good at figuring things out, I could not figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me you understand what I am talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a couple years... attempting all sorts of mad"logical" stuff... I finally got the"bright" idea to start studying men who were"naturally" good with women.
Obviously , I found out you might be both NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at precisely the same moment.
I also heard that you are able to be wise and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully analyzing what the"naturals" did with women... and learning how they"thought" about the subject, I started to realize that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I learned was quite tough for me to accept... since my logical brain simply didn't need to buy into it.
One thing I saw was men pushing women away from them... and with the women then chase them in reaction.
Made no sense at all.
I saw guys tease beautiful girls and make jokes about them to their faces... and then watched those women become"little women" in response... unable to keep their composure, and so not able to keep their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, however I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was studying until I figured out how to approach women in any circumstance... get any woman's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date some other kind of woman I wanted...
...and most importantly, GET RID of the"empty" feeling that I carried around my whole life because I did not find out how to draw girls.
And after I got this region of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this region of THEIR lives collectively.
The ultimate result of all this time, effort, and energy is that my free Secret Society Letters.
And I'd love to invite you to sign up.
It's completely free, there is no obligation, I will never share your email address with anyone, and you may easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
Of course, it even gets better than that...
as well as my free Secret Society Letter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook which you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things into a"physical" level smoothly and easily.
And I'll speak to you again soon.